Patti Comeau-Simonson Releases Book, “Recipes for Healing: Working Through Grief One Plate at a Time (Just Not Lasagna!)”

Patti Comeau-Simonson’s life journey took a professional turn after the loss of her beloved husband, David, in his courageous battle with colon cancer. The care and support her family received while he was on hospice care left a lasting impact on her, motivating her to give back and make a difference in the lives of others facing similar challenges.

Her path began as a volunteer for hospice, which led her to become a bereavement assistant at the Bertolon Center for Grief & Healing in 2007. She wanted to enhance her skills and expertise in grief and loss and understand and support those grieving the loss of a loved one, so she pursued and received her Certificate of Thanatology from the National Center of Death Education at Mt. Ida College in 2011. 

During her time at the bereavement center, Patti developed and implemented a peer training program that empowered individuals who had experienced loss to become skilled in grief and loss. She trained twenty facilitators, who then went on to support and help grieving individuals to heal on their grief journey. She was honored for her work, receiving the Red Cross Health Care Hero Award in 2013.

In 2015, Patti coauthored a book called A Book of Hope, a compilation of personal stories and affirmations from those who have navigated through their grief. The book offers hope and joy to those currently on their own grief journey, providing them with the strength and comfort to move forward.

Recipes for Healing: Working Through Grief One Plate at a Time (Just Not Lasagna!) is her teaching memoir about her own heartfelt journey through the intersection of food and the emotional healing it provided her. She shares personal anecdotes, comforting recipes, and gentle guidance to help readers navigate the difficult terrain of grief. Through the transformative power of cooking and the sharing of meals, we discover the healing properties of nourishment for both the body and soul, reminding us that even in our darkest moments, there is hope, love, and the promise of brighter days ahead.

Patti continues her work as a peer specialist in grief and loss, offering peer trainings, peer-led support groups, and one-on-one counseling sessions. You can reach her through her website www.patticomeausimonson.com 

Share a pivotal moment in your life.

The most pivotal moment in my life was undoubtedly losing my beloved husband, David. Until then, our life had been a relatively smooth journey, filled with joy, family, the running of our heating company which was thriving and my career as a hairdresser. I grew up in a close-knit community, always surrounded by the warmth of loved ones, which would prove later on after David’s passing to be a godsend of support. David was my partner in every sense of the word—-my best friend, confident, and the unwavering pillar of my life.

On the day of David’s diagnosis our lives as we knew it came to a screeching halt. Shock, disbelief, and so many questions. The next twenty two months were filled with overwhelming emotions, never knowing what each day would bring, our lives were filled with constant anticipation, and we came to learn that what we were experiencing was a “thing”. It is called Anticipatory Grief. This is the experience of emotional pain and sorrow in response to an expected or imminent loss and this is what our lives were about. But David’s quiet strength and resilience played a huge part in what was to become what I called our “Normal Chaos”. He did not want his cancer to take over our lives, as he continued running our business while navigating doctors appointments, chemo and radiation treatments, and I did the only thing I had any control of, I cooked. 

The days after David died, I was in a form of shock and disbelief, that after twenty-two months of fighting cancer he was now gone. I was filled with sorrow and confusion and was on a journey I never anticipated, a journey of deep grief, self-discovery and healing. It was in this uncharted territory that I began to understand the true meaning of resilience and the transformative power of working through your pain where I ultimately found purpose. One of the many tools that brought me comfort through my healing was my love of cooking allowing me to also nourish my body and soul. Cooking became a comforting companion helping me to heal my broken heart.

When you lost David, you found yourself navigating an uncharted path of grief-one marked by deep sorrow, bittersweet memories, and the unexpected solace found in the rituals of food. Did you find cooking to be therapeutic?

In the days and months after David’s death I was in survival mode, which I have since learned that in the first stages of grief this is very normal, and for most very necessary. The need to keep things “normal” was no longer important, so my love for cooking seemed to have diminished. I didn’t have the ability to focus on food. My concentration and all of my energy was taken up with the running of our business and at this point I had nothing left to give.

Fortunately in time this was to change. The need to be with others experiencing the same loss became important to me, and the support group I joined were with women much older than me and they all loved to cook. For them, it was a way to stay busy, cooking helped them in the midst of their grief, it took them away from their troubles and cooking for their families brought them moments of joy.

In time, and because of these wonderful women, I began reconnecting with the heart of my home, my kitchen. Cooking had always been my go-to where I found comfort and I was ready to go on a journey to nurture my body and soul through the therapeutic power of food. Food for me was a way to move through the haze of denial, anger, depression and acceptance. The simple process of chopping, sautéing, and preparing food was so comforting and almost sacred to me. It also evolved into a symbolic ritual. I made things like roast pork and sauerkraut, a favorite of David’s because we had made our own homemade sauerkraut the previous winter, or my mom’s clam chowder recipe, with her secret ingredient that made it so delicious. Everything I prepared had memories attached to them and somehow, they were very comforting and very therapeutic. 

At 78, you have released Recipes for Healing, Working Through Grief One Plate at a Time, (Just Not Lasagna!). The book offers a personal reflection and poignant lessons. Take us through your book. 

“Hope is the inspiration to open closed doors and explore new paths.”

This book was intended to be a cookbook with memories, but instead turned into my own personal experience enduring the death of multiple family members in a short period—ultimately the death of my young husband. In the months and years that followed the readers will embark on this journey with me as I learn that grief is unique to everyone, everyone goes through it and it should not be hurried. 

You will follow me through the many set-backs along the way, getting through the holidays, the anniversaries, birthdays and the births of the grandchildren and the selling of our heating company, David’s legacy and a huge secondary loss. 

Losing a loved one is a profound experience and this book will show how keeping your memories alive, carrying them with you as you go forward is a way to honor their memory and can be comforting and a meaningful part of the grieving process. This book will help you understand that by saying your loved ones name, is important, they were an integral part of your past and your stories and memories should be shared to the generation that never got to know your loved one.

You will see how a closed door opened as I explored a new path by going back to school at the young age of fifty, becoming a bereavement assistant for a local hospice, and developing a peer support group program that would help and guide others who were experiencing grief and loss.

After losing my husband David, I found unexpected solace in the kitchen. Stirring, chopping, baking—–it all became a quiet form of therapy. I discovered that grief doesn’t ask us to move on; it invites us to move with it. Step by step. Meal by meal. Memory by memory. My book blends personal stories and healing recipes—-written for anyone navigating loss or supporting someone who is. But beyond that, it’s about starting over when you think you can’t. At this stage of my life, I’m showing that it’s never too late to begin again—with a book, with love, with life.

Please share a few of your favorite recipes and the significance in your life. 

The recipes that are in this book all have special memories for me and a place in my life and in my heart. From the Artichoke Dip Appetizer that I would make on lonely Saturday evenings when my niece Meghan would sometimes spend the night with me. We would watch our favorite TV programs devour this dip, and then I would cook bowls of pasta covered in butter and parmesan cheese. Weekends were always the hardest, and I will always cherish the times Meghan spent with me, having true comfort food

.My Mom’s Clam Chowder; I grew up on the east coast and my Dad always went clamming. This meant that I grew up on the best New England clam chowder! My mom used to say it was her secret ingredient that made it so special and I agree, I continue to make it because it reminds me of home and my mom, is so delicious and will always bring comfort to your soul.

I was blessed to have an amazing mother-in-law, Anna, who just happened to be an amazing cook and baker. Each year for each person in the family she would make the most amazing Chocolate Buttermilk Cake with Mocha Frosting for their birthday. In our family there were two birthdays in the month of March so we got two cakes within a week of each other. She felt everyone needed to have their own cake and we all looked forward to it. I learned so much from her, she was a huge presence in my life. My daughter-in-laws have continued to make this cake for my grandchildren’s birthday, and memories always come up about their “Nan”.

Another of Anna’s recipes and a favorite of Davids was her Meatballs and Sunday Gravy. My first introduction to this was when David wanted me to come and meet his parents. When I asked what Sunday gravy was, he said it was just spaghetti and meatballs. This was not that! It was gravy/sauce loaded with spareribs, sausages and the juiciest meatballs I had ever tasted. The gravy that it was smothered in was the most savory and delicious Sunday gravy you will ever taste—comfort food at its best. From that day forward is how I make my Meatballs and Sunday Gravy. It takes a little more time, but it is so worth it.

Recipes have a unique way of connecting us to memories and our loved ones.Sharing these different dishes and their stories can be a way to keep our loved ones alive in our hearts and introduce that person to others. By sharing food memories, you can keep the spirit of loved ones alive through the universal language of food.

What is your hope for your book? 

The book is about more than grief and recipes—-it’s about hope. About how healing doesn’t happen all at once, but in moments, memories, and small everyday rituals. I hope that those who read this book will feel like they are resonating with this story, that pieces of the story could actually be their story. This book is a gentle invitation to those grieving to find what soothes them, nourishes them, and helps them take that next small step. I hope that it can be a reminder that joy can live alongside sorrow—-and that healing is possible. I hope that people will find their story within the pages of Recipes for Healing and know that they are not alone and begin to find the strength and courage to move forward.

Tell us about your work as a peer specialist in grief and loss. 

When I think about how my becoming a peer specialist all came about—–losing the love of my life, volunteering for the people who cared for him, and eventually working in bereavement—-it seemed like a natural progression. Of course, this didn’t happen overnight. Had I not experienced the loss, I probably never would have had the opportunity to do this work, but I have always had great faith in God, and I feel this is the path I was meant to be on.

I knew from working in bereavement at a hospice and working with the families who had recently experienced a loss, that along with receiving help from chaplains, social workers, bereavement counselors, that there also was a need for “peer support”. I also knew that there was a growing body of evidence that shows that peers can help peers by sharing what has helped or not helped in their own healing process. Basically sharing their story. It is also helpful and hopeful to hear from peers that we can and do heal, and we can role model that message by facilitating support groups or by sitting with someone in a session listening to them sharing their story. 

A peer specialist is unique among all other providers of mental health because we possess “the lived experience”, we have openly and without shame, begun our healing journey and we model an openness that encourages others to share their journeys. 

As a peer specialist it is important for me to help those who have had a loss to begin moving forward from those feelings of loss and longing, and to readjust, allowing them to go on living without their loved one, while holding the memory of that person in their hearts. Writing this book, sharing my own journey, has allowed me to do this and I’m forever grateful for the opportunity in hopes that it will provide warmth, wisdom, comfort and hope to those who need it most.

www.patticomeausimonson.com