Shelly L. Bell, “The Architect of Unapologetic Influence,” Founder of Fix Her Crown Event “Women Lifting Up Women” Series
By Jules Lavallee
You are known as “The Architect of Unapologetic Influence.” You stand at the powerful intersection of faith, politics, and personal development. Share your background.
I often say that my life has been a journey of faith, public service, leadership, and learning how to use my voice without apologizing for it.
My career has taken me through government, politics, higher education, ministry, and community leadership. I have had the privilege of serving in the New Jersey Legislature, working in a gubernatorial administration, becoming the first African American elected to the Montgomery Township Committee and later serving as Deputy Mayor. Today, I serve in executive leadership in Somerset County government.
But titles only tell part of my story.
I am also a clergywoman, chaplain, author, speaker, certified confidence coach, mother and grandmother. My faith is the foundation underneath everything else. I don’t believe that I have to separate the woman who prays from the woman who leads. I can walk into a government building, a boardroom, a church, or onto a stage and still be authentically Shelly.
There were seasons when I questioned whether I belonged in certain rooms. Eventually, I realized that I wasn’t being given access simply to occupy a seat. I was being prepared to use my seat to create access for somebody else.
That is what unapologetic influence means to me. It isn’t about being the loudest person in the room. It is knowing who you are, understanding what you bring to the table, and refusing to shrink simply to make other people comfortable.
And now, at this stage of my life, I’m very intentional about helping other women discover that same confidence.
Tell us about the Fix My Crown Conference. Do you want to recognize women who really stood out?
Fix My Crown came from something deeply personal to me: women need spaces where they don’t have to perform, compete, or pretend that everything is okay.
We spend so much time taking care of everyone else—our families, careers, churches, organizations and communities—that sometimes we don’t realize our own crowns have become crooked.
Fix My Crown is about creating a space where women can say, “I need encouragement too. I need somebody to pour back into me.”
But there’s another piece that is equally important. I want women to understand that sometimes another woman doesn’t need you to fix her crown for her. She needs you to tell her it’s crooked—and then stand beside her while she fixes it herself. That’s empowerment.
There are so many women I could recognize because women have poured into me throughout my life. Dr. Kim Yancey James has been an important spiritual presence in my life and someone with whom I have shared ministry and the work of empowering women. There are also women I’ve encountered throughout government, politics, ministry, and community leadership who have encouraged me, challenged me, recommended me, prayed for me, and sometimes simply reminded me who I was.
That’s really the spirit of Women Lifting Up Women.
I don’t believe another woman’s success diminishes mine. There is enough room at the table for all of us. And if there isn’t enough room, bring another chair.
You are releasing your memoir and leadership book, Girl, You Need a Sponsor at the Table. What was your inspiration? Who do you want to thank on your journey?
The inspiration came from looking back over my career and recognizing something I didn’t have language for when it was happening.
Some of my biggest opportunities came because someone mentioned my name in a room I wasn’t in.
Early in my career, I volunteered on a political campaign. The candidate won and subsequently offered me an opportunity to work in the New Jersey Legislature. Someone saw something in me and opened the door.
Throughout my career, that happened again and again. I worked hard. I prepared. I earned my credentials. But I also had people who were willing to say, “Shelly can do this. Give her an opportunity.”
That’s sponsorship.
A mentor may give you advice. A sponsor uses their influence and credibility to advocate for you when you aren’t in the room. Research on sponsorship similarly distinguishes it from mentorship and associates sponsorship with concrete career opportunities and advancement.
But the book is also a leadership memoir because I share the other side—the doors that closed, the times I was overlooked, and the moments when proximity to powerful people did not necessarily translate into sponsorship.
I want women to understand that being qualified isn’t always enough. Being hardworking isn’t always enough. And being in the room isn’t the same thing as having someone advocating for you in that room.
There are several women I especially have to thank.
My mother is one of the reasons I could pursue the opportunities I did. When I first became involved in politics, I was recently divorced and raising my daughter as a single mother. Life was a balancing act. There were meetings to attend, responsibilities at home, and times when I simply could not do everything. My mother stepped in. She gave me time, support, encouragement and, when necessary, financial help. She made it possible for me to keep moving forward.
My sister did the same. When I needed help with my daughter or needed someone to pick up the pieces because I was trying to build a career and serve my community, she was there. There is absolutely no way I would be where I am today without my family.
I also have women like Debbie and Shanel, my sister-friends, who have walked through different seasons of life with me. There is something powerful about having women around you who can celebrate your success without competing with you, pray for you when you’re struggling, and tell you the truth when you need to hear it.
And I have to acknowledge the women whose leadership I have observed along the way. Sometimes sponsorship is opening a door. Sometimes it is making an introduction. Sometimes it is recommending someone’s name. And sometimes it is simply saying, “I see something in you.”
That’s why the final responsibility in my book is not merely finding a sponsor.
It is becoming one.
At some point, success has to stop being about who opened the door for you and become about whose name you are willing to say when you get inside the room.
How important is gratitude for success?
Gratitude is everything to me because success without gratitude can make you believe you got there by yourself.
I didn’t.
My faith teaches me first to acknowledge God. There are doors in my life that I could not have orchestrated for myself. There were also closed doors that I later realized were protection or redirection.
But gratitude also requires remembering the people.
I remember the person who gave me an opportunity when my résumé wasn’t perfect. I remember the person who made the introduction. I remember the person who recommended me. I remember my mother and sister helping me when I was a single mother trying to build a career. I remember the friends who prayed for me. I remember the people who corrected me because they wanted me to become better.
And gratitude isn’t just something we feel. Gratitude should change how we lead. Research increasingly supports that connection: studies have linked leaders’ expressions of gratitude with proactive employee behaviors and stronger workplace relationships, while other research has found that reflecting on gratitude can encourage leaders to behave more helpfully and empoweringly toward others.
That connects directly to Girl, You Need a Sponsor at the Table.
One of the greatest ways I can demonstrate gratitude for the people who opened doors for me is to open doors for somebody else.
If somebody sponsored me, I should sponsor someone.
If somebody said my name in a room, I should say another woman’s name.
If somebody pulled out a chair for me, I shouldn’t become so comfortable sitting in it that I forget the woman still standing outside the room.
Gratitude turns success into stewardship.
I don’t want to leave this earth simply having accumulated titles, awards, degrees, or positions. I want there to be women who can say:
“Shelly saw me. Shelly said my name. Shelly opened a door. And when Shelly got to the table, she made room for me.”
To me, that is success.
“I wasn’t given access simply to occupy a seat. I was being prepared to use my seat to create access for somebody else.”
“Being in the room isn’t the same thing as having someone advocating for you in that room.”
“At some point, success has to stop being about who opened the door for you and become about whose name you are willing to say when you get inside the room.”
